the feature interview.

Mommy Beth Belarmino has decided to feature me on her blog.

Honestly, it feels surreal to find an article written about yourself. I haven't dreamed in a million years somebody would do this. And when it came, I felt humbled. Shy, even.

I'm just happy that I have friends like Mommy Beth. Amidst all the craziness at work and life in general, you can still find people whom you can share your experiences with.

Thank you Mi, for everything.

Well, then. If you want to know more about me, click on the link below! :D

ELIZABETH'S WALL: THE ENTICING PERSONALITY IN MAYBELLE: T he beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she loving...

crush.

I am currently infatuated with one person right now.

I know. It's crazy, me being too old to have this kind of feeling. But I just can't help it. I'm just like this because I know for a fact that nothing could possibly happen to us, except developing from being acquaintances to being friends. That's it.

Me and a good friend of mine have called him "Baby Ruth", to eliminate the risk of others finding out about this "event". Just to describe a little about him, he's a tall-enough, silent-type of guy, has nice eyes, and he's just...I don't know...gorgeous. I just smile when I think about him.

I first met him during one of the training sessions with my team. Yes, there he was with his colleagues, innocent enough to join our little class, not knowing even for a second what would happen to me. I sound like a high-schooler!

Indeed, I feel like I'm back in high school. That feeling when he's there, you tend to avoid him, when he looks at you, you look away, embarrassed. I'm back to being a kid again. It's crazy!

Well, during those first few days, I just felt the attraction towards him seeping inside me. Being a demure type of person, I try to ignore the feeling. But it doesn't help if he keeps on staring at you too. Yes, I did not imagine it. He did.

This has been happening for the past 2-3 months. The feeling just escalated when the breakup happened. He's just always there, lurking at the sidelines. When I glance at him, there he is, staring at me, then looking away after finding out he's been caught.

Maybe he feels the same way, I don't know. But nothing must happen to us.

Nothing.

God help me.

breaking up.

I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. Surprisingly, I hadn't felt even a tinge of sorrow. I felt pity for him, I guess. But everything happens for a reason. And this event just means that he is not the right guy for me.

The impending one-million-dollar question: who is the right one?

That guy remains to be unseen at this point. I've had relationships with different guys that have different personalities and backgrounds but nobody seemed to succeed. Well, there was one who almost made it but he had sex with another chick and had a baby with her. So that guy's out of the question.

This latest fizzle was with a guy who had a very simple life. So simple that he still lives with his dad, not breaking any sweat to earn a dime. He felt very contented with what he had. After 2 years of being with him, I realized I had no future with him if I continued our relationship. I had begun to ask what his future plans were, but he had not given me any concrete one. I gave suggestions, but he brushed me off.

In the long run, I gave up on him. And the conclusion of everything I felt and kept from him happened yesterday. As I've said, I didn't feel sad. I know this would be a life lesson for him, but I doubt he will learn that soon.

This is all for the best.

a short pause.

Hey! It's been a while since I posted something here. I have an ongoing problem with my internet connection, but no worries. All will be fixed in due time.

Anyways, why not blab about a few things while I'm at it?

What did I do for the past few weeks? Well, I finished Charmed. The eight seasons. What else? I read Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I watched Twilight and New Moon. Again. I recently watched Breaking Dawn. Hmmm... I couldn't think of anything else!

Charmed is a TV series very close to my heart. As we all know, it's all about witchcraft and having sisters, which I both don't have in reality. I really love the art of doing witchcraft, but I don't have the talent and power to do that. So I just watch this series, also The Craft and the newest series called The Secret Circle to feed my cravings for this. Plus, this series was a hit during my teen years. The Charmed Ones are just gorgeous, and their men, too! So while I was on an internet hiatus, I finished watching all the episodes of the 8 seasons. It left me nostalgic at the end. Sniff.

I do have a PDF file saved for the book Thirteen Reasons Why. While I first browsed through the pages, I didn't quite understand the concept of chapters being named as Cassettes and Sides. It was upon reading the first Cassette that I fathomed the book was about a girl who committed suicide. It was a very dark story in the general sense, what with the secrets and bullies and betrayals of friends. Not to mention rape. A very dark story indeed, but a bestseller.

To prepare for the upcoming release of Breaking Dawn, I watched the previous movies for the saga except for Eclipse because one of my friends who borrowed it has not returned it back yet. Oh well. Also, I read a few chapters of the book just in case. I tend to forget some of the scenes. Just to refresh my memory.

And indeed, upon the first showing of Breaking Dawn last Friday, I watched it with a few of my friends. And all I want to say about the movie is: I want to see it again! I just can't get enough of it! (all smiles) I will watch it again, since I have this incentive with my reps that I will be treating my top 5 to a movie. Most definitely this week. Again. Hehe. After that I will be on the edge of my seat, anticipating for Part 2.

The Natural Witch

Late at night

Casting out curses and spells

Seriously putting her mind into it

Invoking spirits is her favorite hobby

Reading some of them from witchcraft books

Murmuring, whispering, shouting, screaming

Until she ends up crooning

Raising her hands up high as she chants

Don't blame her;

She's just acting her natural self.

4/30/98

sick.

Yes. Literally, I am. Oh, I don't know. I just have the colds and flu that always come and go. It's not pretty, but..oh, well. That's life. All of us have these 'minor setbacks' that would slow us down, but we always pick ourselves up when they're over.

Anyways, I was just thinking of a few things for us to religiously do to prevent these situations from happening. Just thinking. :)

First: Take Vitamins. Being in a modern world, we do not acquire our daily nourishment by killing the pig ourselves -- we now buy them from the groceries or the public market. So to take a capsule full of multivitamins (especially with Vitamin C) a day is always, always something that we can rely on getting the nourishment we need.

Second: Drink Water. Our body is two-thirds water. If we do not drink liquids, it creates an imbalance that leads to infection, sickness, starvation, so on and so forth. So it's very important for us to drink water every day. Six to eight glasses would be good.

Third: Eat Right. Just like the first one. Proper nourishment makes us healthy. Aside from the daily vitamins, it's also critical that we eat the right kind and amount of food, drink the right fluids, etc. They didn't create the Food Pyramid for nothing, right? The regimen is to monitor the right amount of nutrients that should be taken into our body.

Fourth: Exercise Regularly. Our body achieves balance if we monitor everything. The food we eat, the fluids we drink, and of course, the amount of exercise we do. It doesn't mean we do it every day. But if this can be done regularly, we would be one step closer to being the perfect immune organism that we have always wanted to be.

I can't think of anything else. But I think those are the basics. Honestly, I admit that I myself do not follow these religiously. That's the reason why I'm sick today. Although it wouldn't hurt to abide by these, of course.

It's always good to know that we are healthy. For us to say that we are safe and sound. It's one reason for us to be on the look out for our future. What do you say?

The Peculiar One

Crying out

The desire of being despised

Of being forsaken

To be alone

In this filthy world

Working unmethodically

To achieve what he longed for

Doing sorts of inexplicable things

Causing himself to be hysterical

Giving away keen glances

To clement people

Who had sympathy for him

Giving himself

His very own verdict...

His very own future...

7/21/98

The Avengers.

A movie that can take us back to our childhood years is always stimulating, and very nauseating -- in a good way. Examples of these types of movies are those that are being adapted from the books, and basing on the movie trends today: comic books. It's exciting to see our favorite heroes come to life on the big screen.

One famous hero featured in a movie is always nice to watch. But to see all of the Avengers in one action-packed movie? That's too good to be true! Exhilarating, to say the least.

I went to Youtube and watched its trailer for good measure. After seeing it, I feel like I couldn't wait for it to be shown next year! I bet it's really good. The graphics are always jaw-dropping, plus numerous scenes that would surely crack us up. And of course, the ever-endearing mission of these heroes to save the world will always be there.

You haven't seen it? Click on the link below. Enjoy! :)

The Avengers (2012) watch the Official Teaser Trailer | HD - YouTube:

'via Blog this'

a hard day's night.

I have been avoiding my blog for the past few days. Why? Because I am currently thinking of really negative things. But I have got to pour this out somehow. I've been bottling it up inside for a while already.

It's really hard if you're a person that has obligations. To be able to give something to your family is a really good thing. It always makes me feel lighter when I give.

However, there are times when you don't have even a single cent. It bugs you sometimes that you won't be able to contribute. It would always be a nice thing if the person who's asking for your help understands that you don't have anything to give.

The problem is: they don't.

It just makes me feel angry. What I don't understand is they even laugh at me when I say "I don't have anything to give right now." They even say: "Why don't you go to the ATM machine?"

If I had it on my bank account, or if I had somebody who can let me borrow, I would've gotten it for them and given it to them already. They would already have what they wanted.

It just feels so frustrating for me to think that they don't believe me when I say "I don't have anything."

Did my face even look like I was joking when I said it? They just stand there, look naive, still expecting for me to give something.

Didn't they get it?

I got so mad yesterday that I took out my hammer-shaped stuffed toy and gave it a few swings. After breaking a sweat, I just lay down and stared at the ceiling with little tears around my eyes. I just felt so sad. I didn't want to pity myself, but I really did. Who does even have parents that don't understand their children?

I think I am the only one with that. *sobs*

Whip It.

A girl who wants something is deemed to go and get it. This is what the movie was all about.

Bliss Cavendar (Ellen Page) is a teenager who has been in and out of pageants courtesy of her stage mother who wanted her daughter to follow through her footsteps as a teenage beauty queen. She works part time after school at a cafe with a pig mascot and has a best friend who comforts her through every pageant ordeal.

Things changed and got more exciting when she got hold of an invitation flyer to watch a roller derby at the next town. She was in awe. The people who played in this league are all women. They have matching uniforms, cute roller skates and stage names like in WWF. She also met a gorgeous guy whom she bumped into outside the arena.

Everything seemed to go her way. She tried out for the Girl Scouts Team and got in. Their coach says Bliss, or rather Babe Ruthless, is the fastest skater to date. Their team won almost every game they entered until they stepped up to play for the championship. Apart from that, she also got and dated the guy she liked, whom she bumped into the first night she came to watch a game.

This is where the conflict developed. She has a pageant that her mother arranged for her to join, and it has the same schedule as her game. Her parents found out about the sport she is playing because her best friend got arrested for drinking alcohol during one of the Girl Scouts' playoffs. Her best friend won't speak to her since it was Bliss' fault that she got arrested. One of Bliss' game rivals found out that she was only seventeen, since their league only accepts women of legal age. Worse, her boyfriend and his band got signed up for a tour and she found out from the band's website about a girl hanging with him and wearing Bliss' favorite shirt.

All went well when Bliss' father realized that his daughter really loves to do roller derby rather than join the pageant. He arranged for Bliss' teammates to fetch her at the pageant night so that she can join the game. They still lost to the 3-time champion, but everyone was still happy they got that far.

She didn't expect that her family would show up to watch them play, especially her mother. She hoped her mother can accept that this sport is what she loves to do. Her boyfriend? He showed up but she slapped him in the face. That was good.

In this story we learn the importance of being an individual. We have our parents who guide us through growing up. At times they influence us on what decisions to make. They will always be there; for that we are grateful. But that doesn't mean they can control us with what things we are supposed to like or what way of life we should follow according to their wishes. You have to think for yourself; make the decisions that would suit you best.

Be yourself. Be what you want to be. Choose a path you want to take. There may be mistakes along the way, but that's how we learn. No regrets.

It's always nice to watch these types of movies that has a little spunk woven into it, but it still teaches us a lesson that would inspire us to do what we want to in life.

Impotence

Strange buccaneers

Enveloping the sluggish spectacle

Endlessly craving

For the unworldly individual

Who was too appalled to retaliate

Just a short murmur saying,

"Help!"

11/6/98

Waiting for Forever.

This is a romantic indie film starring Rachel Bilson (my favorite actress from The O.C.) and Tom Sturridge (they say he's a friend of Robert Pattinson). It's about loving someone as early as childhood and still feeling the same upon reaching adult years.

Will (Tom Sturridge) and Emma (Rachel Bilson) were always together when they were kids. At some point during that time, Will lost his parents in a train accident. The person who comforted him that time was Emma, saying that they are always there for him and he will always be loved.

That touched Will deeply. Too deep that when he became an adult, he talks to someone he can only see. He has only loved Emma from the start. What bothered Emma was that she realized that what she had said when they were kids was the reason why he is what he is now. She also learned that Will has been following her, from Oregon to Los Angeles. That disturbed her. A lot.

There is also Emma's boyfriend, Aaron (Matthew Davis). Emma cheated on him with one of their friends. Aaron confronted that friend and accidentally killed him. When Aaron found out that there was a guy who was following Emma, he immediately called the police's attention, as if to blame Will for the death of their friend.

Now we all know who did it, but that didn't stop the police from arresting Will as a prime suspect. But they didn't detain him for long because they lacked evidence.

It all got sort of complicated after that, when Emma and Aaron got engaged, Will went somewhere out of state, Emma broke off the engagement, Emma's father died, Aaron got arrested, etc.

The turning point was when Emma received a letter from Will through his brother that stated a lot of things about life, which touched Emma greatly. She decided to look for Will and she found him in San Francisco performing on the streets (which by the way is his job).

And that's the end of the story.

What touched me with this movie is that a person can be so simple with the things that he wants in his life: for him to love a girl during his lifetime even if he doesn't know if she shares the same feelings or not. That's very endearing, sweet and promising for a girl to be loved by a guy like Will.

In the real life, this can be frustrating. It's like you're in your own dimension, oblivious to what's happening around you. And face it, being simple like Will does not cut it. I for one will not survive his situation. In this story? Yes, I would choose Will. But in reality? I would rather be single or look for someone else that has a responsible trait. Just being practical.

There is one more thing that I would like to emphasize: a person must look into the greater scope of things rather than focus on one small portion.

This is true during our present time.

Mona Lisa Smile.

Just finished watching this movie. I absolutely love the actresses who starred, from Julia Roberts to Julia Stiles to Kirsten Dunst to Ginnifer Goodwin.

The setting is during the 1950's, wherein women are still viewed mainly as impeccable housewives. Julia Roberts' character was the person who changed that impression. She was mainly expressing what was on her mind, which was to go for what you want. If you want a husband and a family, and you are also aspiring to be a lawyer, you can do both at the same time and even excel at them.

That's what a modern woman is described at today.

On the other hand, Kirsten Dunst's strong character in the movie stood her ground. She was one of the girls that aim to be the best housewife that they could ever be, and think that this is the way that all women are supposed to do in their lives. A college education is somehow like a past time for these girls, as what Katherine Morgan (Julia Roberts) said, it's like they are just waiting for a random guy to propose around the corner.

That can be deemed as a very old-fashioned practice, but times have changed.

Women today are very opinionated and can get what they want, whether it may be an object that they like or a profession that they would want to excel into. They are powerful in their own little, womanly ways. It's her own decision if she wants to do something, as long as it's the one that she wants.

And hey, I am a woman too (last time I checked) so I am entitled to this privilege.

Now that's what we call girl power!

techie-phobia.

If there is such a word.

Well, indeed there are still some people who don't have a Facebook account. Even a Friendster one. Nowadays, it's very rare that you come across a person who is afraid of technology. Of course, he or she may have mobile phones, but that accessory is now a necessity today. So how come there are still some persons who don't want to have anything to do with it?

Frankly, I have no idea. But there could be a number of acceptable reasons. I call these "The 5 NOs".

First: NO Internet Access. Maybe the area in question doesn't have an internet connection that's why a person could not be updated with the latest trends. This may sometimes be a vague reason, mainly because almost all locations already have internet. Coverage for mobile networks are put up even at the most remote areas.

Second: NO Budget. That means a person may not have sufficient funds to buy a PC, put up an internet connection, or even to go to the nearest internet cafe and log on. This is possible because there are still more important things that we could do with our money rather than spending it all on posting our latest status at Twitter.

Third: NO Intention. A person who does not want to have anything to do with technology must not be influenced to do so, may it have good intentions or not. That's understandable, because a person's culture differs from every other person. If the parents of a child do not want to give him a PSP, then that's their way of living--away from the techie-ness of toys today.

Fourth: NO Time. A person could be too busy to Google at his leisure time. He would rather spend it in a worthwhile event or thing like a sideline business, for him to earn more. This is a very good one, because some people would want to be more productive rather than be a couch potato.

Lastly: NO Care. We cannot force a person to do something he does not want to do, right?

The last thing could be it. What do you think?

The Solicitor

A hindrance to the society

Although searching

For kindred spirits

Gradually becoming hopeless

Causing himself to trample

Along nasty roads

Skin sunburned

From the big, raging sun

Desperately wondering and wandering over

For some compassionate passers-by

To bestow him something

For necessary rejuvenation

Refusal was their response

To this parched creature

Please bring forth

Or this man will perish

Forever...

7/6/98

no other woman.

Me and some of my reps watched No Other Woman earlier today. I do not usually watch these types of movies (sorry to admit but, yes it's true), but I went on for the ride just for the heck of it. Curiosity too, because a lot of my friends have told me that the movie's really good. So why not?

And indeed it is. (raves! hehe)

The movie will not be very well appreciated if not for the three hot actors who played in the movie, Anne Curtis, Derek Ramsay, and Cristine Reyes--and one very funny mother role, Carmi Martin. All of us cracked up with her words of wisdom: "Ang mundo ay parang isang malaking Quiapo: maraming snatcher!" She definitely lightened up the heavy drama being displayed by her daughter Cha who was portrayed by Cristine Reyes.

So, back to the hotness. Haha. I mean, they look really good on screen, what with the bathing suits being worn as some of the scenes are taken on the beach and swimming pool. Not to mention the sexiness exuded by Anne Curtis with her outfits when she goes out. Good grief! Even Derek Ramsay showed a bit of skin, butt and a whole bunch of tattoos!

Cristine Reyes is very conservative on this movie but she also showed some skin with a two-piece bathing suit--very nice skin complexion, courtesy of Frontrow! The entire movie just has 100% hotness. Guaranteed.

Nevertheless, the moral is still there. All of us can learn from this one. It tells us three things: trust, honesty and loyalty. Being trustworthy, honest and loyal to your spouse is a very hard and daunting task if you are not ready for it, and of course if you do not love him/her.

Love is the basis of everything. Marriage will not work if it's not there. There are ups and downs, but the storms will blow over if love is still there.

This movie is indeed a must-watch for those who love to feast their eyes on hot bodies as well as for those who seek for something to learn from.

And, just maybe, you'll think twice on cheating on your partner when you see this movie.

Thumbs up!

vandalized.

I was browsing for books at the Fully Booked today. When I approached the cashier to ring my purchase, I heard a commotion coming from three of the salespersons. It turned out that one of their books put up for sale was vandalized.

I didn't see what was written, but I figured there were foul words and indecent illustrations involved. I felt sorry for the salespersons. I felt angry at the culprits.

Sometimes I just don't understand why some people do pranks like these. I could care less if the book was theirs. But for them to vandalize a book that is still on sale? That's too much.

I have been reading and taking care of books since I was 7. And for me to hear these kinds of incidents make me feel insulted. Violated. Assaulted. Frustrated, even.

I feel very protective of books. Especially if these books are my property. I take good care of them because I consider them as my prized possessions. I even cover some of them to preserve the quality.

Of course, technology is somehow part of the reason why these guys do not value books. I totally get where they come from. But how about this: didn't they keep in mind that if until now technology was still not developed then they would be reading books now? The same book that they have vandalized?

How foolish of them. And ungrateful.

It's just so sad to see that there are some people who don't value them. One day they will realize that they need books. For them to experience a whole new world other than what we are in today. For them to know much, much more about absolutely anything under the sun. For them to test their imaginative skills and put them to use.

Most importantly, for them to learn good manners.

God's little paradise.

That's Bohol! I went there last year--not once, but twice! First with my close friends at work last February, and second with my team last March.

Yeah, right. I just couldn't get enough of this place. Actually I didn't plan for this to happen. It just did! No regrets here, because every place we went to is breathtaking, and you would want to visit this place again and again.

Anyways, I was just looking at some of my old pics, when I stumbled upon my adventures in Bohol. And of course I immediately decided to share some of them with you guys.

Here, check these out:

--this is one of Panglao's spectacular sunrises--

--to start our Bohol tour, I took a picture of a map so I would be guided (somehow)--

--this is the Hinagdanan Cave, where a lot of stalagmites and stalactites live; the water in this cave is also said to be sacred--

--the site where the Blood Compact was done--

--the famous Baclayon Church; we didn't get to see the choir though--

--the pet Python; I just remained outside because I was too chicken to come in--

--but I did get close to an endangered specie though: the Tarsier!--

--the end of the Loboc River Cruise is the Busay Waterfall--

--fiesta banners! I just like it because they're so colorful and festive--

--the stairs that you have to take in order to view the famous Chocolate Hills--

--and there they are!--

--you can see this wishing well upon arriving at the peak; they say your wish will indeed come true here--

--Markie goofing off while we listen to this kid about the Butterfly Sanctuary--

--everyone striking a pose at the Man-Made Forest--

--attempting to take a professional shot (hehe)--

--trying to make it through a very long and scary bridge--

 --the Sagbayan Peak where you can also see the Chocolate Hills--

--one of the floating restaurants that serve delicious eat-all-you-can food--

--the famous Loboc River--

--the Harmony Hotel in Panglao--

--one of  my reps, as if waiting for someone near the Baclayon Church--

Overall, we had a lot of fun, and had a lot of Kalamay! Just checking on these old pics is making me crave for the sweet delicacy! I'd love to visit Bohol again. When would that be? Hmmm... :)

last night.

I just finished watching the movie entitled Last Night. Great cast--they basically are my all-time favorite actors.

Who doesn't love Keira Knightley? She is absolutely beautiful. Sam Worthington is also a good actor, who must have gained fame after doing Avatar. Eva Mendes is truly sexy! Guillaume Canet is a new one--I don't know him yet but he played very well.

The story evolves around this word: dishonesty. If a person is married, or even committed to someone, he or she is not supposed to indulge or give in to the temptation of being with somebody else.

But you know what? This situation happens to almost every couple. It's like, you are not normal if you haven't experienced this. I, for one, have been there.

I do think that this is a thing that cannot be avoided. Temptation is everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE. The only thing that matters is a person's willpower never to commit this mistake.

That's the problem. Most of us always gets tempted.

And the thing is, this happens like a cycle. A guy cheats, the couple either breaks up or gives their relationship a second chance, and the next thing we know, this time the girl would be the one who cheats. Or the guy again, this time with another girl, and so on and so forth. It goes round and round.

Doesn't that make you feel exhausted? Well, I am, but I'm more amused than exhausted.

Temptation will always be there. What we just need to do is to deal with it. It's either you take a chance, or be faithful.

So which road will you take?

clumsiness.

Upon my quick assessment on what happened to my rice cooker and on the height of doing nothing on my days off, today I decided to buy another one. This time, I chose a more expensive one that would reassure me of the main reason why I even decided to use one in the first place (hopefully!).

I didn't exactly know what happened to the old one, but I think it burned itself on the inside. Maybe it was my fault. Oh, well. That was what I got for buying a cheap appliance, even if knowing in advance that I was in for a roller coaster ride. And I only used it for about two weeks! Sigh.

Honestly, I don't know why I have this clumsy, "danghag" quality. Sometimes I feel discouraged, after convincing myself that it was not my fault (sometimes it is). Sometimes I get so frustrated that I would feel traumatized and would never touch anything that resembles the thing I destroyed or never go back to that place where the "incident" happened. I dunno. It just happens!


So there I was, feeling triumphant and optimistic for doing the right choice: buying a more expensive rice cooker. I even took a picture of it the minute I came home:

Looks sturdy, isn't it? I'm looking forward to months and months of cooking with this guy. Crossing my fingers!

marycheriisrhyming.blogspot.com

To share more of my wilted hobby to you guys, I have decided to create a separate blog for my poetry.

I named it "the creative box" just like my multiply page with the above URL. I named it as it is because being imaginative and creative will take you places other than the "box" that you're in.

I am posting some of my work from the time I had started writing poetry, and I have over a hundred already so I will be picking some of my favorites and will be posting them there. I will also be posting a few of them here.

It's not much, but I hope you'll like it. :)

perfect love in heaven

The sun shining mercilessly

into the dusty grounds

with the sky so bare

no clouds to shield

the earth from

the sun's intrepidity.

With the bare sky

and the disturbing weather

came a parched creature

looking for something

to eat and drink

unfortunately...

there was none.

The discouraged creature

continued to walk

despite its disappearing strength

searching for food and water

until there was nothing

of its strength left

but its thin

and quivering body

It collapsed into

the hot surface

with its unclean

and dry skin

unconscious

for a long time

Until someone

from up above

took its life

with perfect love

and adoration

in His eyes

Together

they flew up

into the high skies

until they reached

their destination...

HEAVEN.

5/7/98

writing.

I miss writing. I miss the life of the inspiration-hungry, sometimes-misunderstood individuals.


Writing gives me the feeling of being able to convey what's on my mind. It would always make me feel accomplished. Fulfilled.

I have not written seriously for the past few years. Last time I remembered to do so was when I was part of the Nursing publication in UC-Banilad, The Penlight. That was not even a very serious thing, because I was concentrating more on my studies.

I can still remember those days in high school at the UC Main Campus when I was just a contributor of poems. I wanted to become a member of the staff, so they made me one.

It came to a point that I was being eyed as the editor-in-chief. Almost-editor-in-chief, that is. My mom so conveniently transferred me back to La Salle the school year when I was supposed to sit as EIC.

Too bad.

After that, I was too shy to venture into another publication. Thinking about it today made me realize that I didn't have enough guts to do it. Maybe I thought to myself that I was not a writer material.

Now, even my poetry is so rusty I cannot form any sensible phrases.

When will I feel fulfilled again? Blogging helps, but I truly envy the people I know who have pursued writing as their job. It feels great to do what you love and get paid for it. Too bad for me.

But all is well.

foreign languages.

I'm in a state of being a person with a daily routine. Wake up. Prepare for work. Go to work. Work, work, work. Go home. Sleep, sleep, sleep.


I'm in the mood to do something else with my free time.


You know what I think? I think it's high time for me to learn a new language. I'm old enough--no, even too old not to have!--to know at least one foreign language, and it has a lot of advantages.


Like what? Well for starters, it will help you communicate with people who live outside the country, especially if and when you go to their place. To meet new people and jive with them!


I already have a few languages in mind: Spanish, French, Korean.


Especially Korean! Sometimes it's tiring to read all the subtitles while watching their soaps or movies. It's as if you're reading a book. And I feel frustrated when there is a very big moment and all I did was to look at the words at the bottom of the screen instead of looking at the scene.


I have learned a few words and phrases in the Korean language. Just a little. I already know how to say "Hi! My name is Maybelle." That kind of stuff. I don't know how to spell it though.


Maybe next time I can write down some of the phrases that I will be learning here.


This will be fun!

boyfriend issues.

Last week I ate Shawarma Rice with my boyfriend at the mall. I am crazy for Shawarma Rice and Mocca Shake these days and I wanted to share it to him.

While I ate and he waited for his Shawarma Rice to be cooked, I was talking about something to him. The topic? I couldn't remember now, but I could still remember its importance because I was trying to give him very specific details.

I was in the middle of talking when he abruptly stood up and left me on our table. I stopped talking then, shocked.

When he came back, I teased him about what he did. I laughed, and he looked embarrassed (I guess). Then I did a few scenes to mock him more. In the middle of my "fit", he said, "Uli na ta na."

What he said seemed to put more gas into the very big flame in front of him, a bonfire. I was in my acting element that I even did crying sounds. I laughed so much because his face was so unreadable. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

I turned my hurtful experience to a laughing matter.

Yeah, how very savvy of me.

inevitably awkward.

Upon going home today from the Post Office, I decided to ride the PUV. It's cheap, you know.

All was well until we passed the Colon intersection. A couple also hopped in to ride the jeep that I was in. They sat opposite me. Time passed, and we also passed a few blocks until we reached USC. I was just minding my own business when I happened to glance at the couple. I noticed that the girl had pretty eyes. Probably because she was wearing eye makeup.

I wanted to check the accompanying guy out. So I tried a quick glance. I looked at his shorts, which had paint residue all over it. How untidy of him, I thought.

Then, as if Fate mocked me for being so "usisera", I looked up and the guy also happened to glance at me.

It was as if a light bulb flashed at the top of my head. I know this guy!

Then I had second thoughts if it was really him. He just looked at me for one millisecond. So I tried to scan my memory if he has a twin brother or so. He has none!

I thought, Maybe it's just somebody who has the same features as the guy I knew. That would explain the cold shoulder. Again, I pushed the thought away. No, this is him. I was positive this time. Because of his shorts. That has paint.

The guy I knew was an artist.

Being myself, I did not call his attention. I think it's my "disorder" not to say hi until the other person will do it first.

Since then, I had this nagging, uneasy feeling at the seat across mine. Questions and thoughts swim through my head.

Grrrr...when will they step down from the jeep?


Are they going to ride all the way to Lahug?? That would be a hassle!


Is he trying to catch my eye?


Who's the chick? His girlfriend?


Ugh! This is so uncomfortable!


I'll just look for some change, pay the driver, say "lugar lang!" and hop on another jeep.

You know what I did? Nothing! I just stared at the buildings and vehicles that we passed by as if nothing has happened.

It was not until we reached CDUH that they stepped down from the jeep and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

I thought to myself: Why am I like this? I am supposed to be an educated woman (?) and I was supposed to handle the situation the mature way.  And I keep scolding myself for being...me.

Then I screamed at myself in silence for picking the cheaper option to go home. Which was absurd! I wanted to kick myself. Hard.

The thing is, this always happens to me when I see people I know. I always doubt if they will acknowledge my presence or not. Do I look like royalty? I would hardly say I am. But that's what I think at the back of my mind.

It's the feeling of denial, rejection and shame for saying hi to someone who does not even know you. It gnaws on your self esteem. And I hate to feel that way.

So rather evoke a blank expression than feel embarrassed after an awkward moment. Right?

Oh, and by the way. The guy that I know? We had a "past". :)

Lie To Me

I'm not saying that you do. It's a title of a Korean Drama that I just finished watching.

It's a typical Korean love story with a man and woman. The thing that I like in this drama is I just love the main actors. They do play the characters quite well. And they have this really good chemistry.

Of course, even though it's a typical love story, it also has a twist. The main story started with a single lie that branched out into more lies. It got more complicated when the guy's business was involved.

Also, the guy has a past that made it more entertaining to watch. His ex-fiancee came back to Seoul after three years, so this caused his feelings to resurface and that got him more confused. There were only two options: should he go back to his past or leave the past behind?

In the end, all was well. He chose to be with the female main character and eventually proposed to her. And everybody lived happily ever after.

Sounded like a fairy tale? Well, I do think all of us had thought about that. Of course, us women want the perfect guy with all the qualities that we want him to have.

As what the main characters have mentioned in the drama, the "five-point set" has the main qualities that an ideal man should have, and they are: handsome, responsible, knowledgeable, good background, and has good manners.

The problem is, have I found him yet?

Now that's my part of the story.

The thing that I have realized while watching this show is that, sometimes, you don't really get what you want deep inside until you go for it. You may or may not get the perfect person that you want to be your partner in life.

But what makes it perfect is if and when you discover the little things. The quirks and all. It will make your life harder and easier at the same time. If you accept these, then you're one step closer.

Closer to what? Now that will be your part of the story.

The Kagay White Water Rafting Experience!

I was rummaging through my things when I came upon the CD that was given to us by Kagay. The contents of this CD was to commemorate our first-ever water rafting. We did this activity last March, and I got this CD only about a month ago.

Some of the pics are shown below:

the first picture taken before we "set sail"--

our one of the first encounters with the angry river--

taking a very short break from the challenge and doing the high five!--

one of the most candid shots taken, we looked so giddy here!--

taking yet another break..--

paused just in time for a short pose--

we entered a small cave; it was a bit scary, i admit--

and of course, to complete the before-and-after shoot (yep, we got out there alive!)--

We had a lot of fun! So much that we got very tired and headed straight to our pension house to sleep. I wish we could do another of these extreme activities. Hoping for another break from our stressful work! :D

Migrating.

I think it would be nice to work outside the country. I already know a few people who are. And honestly, I envy them.

You know, it's so me if I would talk about these types of things. I am really good at imagining things and experiences, even as a kid. When an individual at a young age has these thoughts, the adults would call it "daydreaming".

It really feels good to think about things that you would want to happen. Like imagining yourself with your so-called "crush" in high school. Or having all of the toys or books that you want, but not the type that parents can only afford to buy.

If you were like me when I was young, then you would know what it would feel like if I got what I want. I was not spoiled by my parents. Even though I was the only girl, the sibling that was spoiled the most was my youngest brother.

Then you would understand the feeling I have towards having an ambition. Of course, we all have our own ambitions, how little they are or how normal we are. It's just that sometimes, our ambitions clash with the others. But, all is well, as the 3 Idiots movie cast would say.

Anyways, here I am, thinking about going abroad. The best place that I would want to go to and work my ass off? I only have 2 choices so far: New York and Paris.

Why? Reason most probably because these places are amazing to go to. And movies nowadays feature these places. I mean, it always lets me think that it would be great to live in these places because of what they're showing. Especially in NYC. I dunno but, a bustling city is my thing. I like to be in that kind of environment. I would want to live alone in a flat, hop aboard an elevator to reach my room, ride the subway to go to work, etc.

Maybe I'm just addicted to these types of movies.

digging.

There comes a period wherein a person could think of a lot of things at the same time, and end up getting a headache. I am one of these guys now.

I cannot help but delve into a lot of possibilities. They are so endless...

First is, my job. There are a lot of things going on, and I mean, a lot. If worse comes to worst, the company could stop its operations. That would mean a lot of jobless guys, looking for another call center to pitch in their own abilities. I mean, the company helped me a lot, but sometimes it just sucks. They have poor management, not to mention our never ending battle with the payroll department. That is just one aspect of it, and I dare not say any more. Otherwise...

Second is, my future. If and when the above mentioned happens, I do not know where to proceed. My medical skills are rusty, and I do not have any financial backup. I'm going to force myself to either apply for another call center job which would be good in terms of monetary fulfillment, or to try a medical job, like a caregiver, which would be very difficult.

I highly doubt I would succeed on the latter, because of my standing as a medical non-grad and again, it's already very blurry, since I have been working in a call center for 3 years.

Maybe I could go abroad..that would be nice..but what to do there?

I'm already getting a headache. :(

the bad guy.

All was well.

But as I proceeded to grow, there were times when I felt like I was the bad guy. The parasite. The worm who allegedly caused one of the petals to wilt. It seemed like they have condemned me for doing so.

I just wanted the earth to swallow me whole.

I kept a straight face, but barely. I felt like I would burst at that instant. It's hard to control your emotions when you're going through so much.

I can't help but imagine their faces. Laughing at the outside, mocking on the inside.

For the second time, I wanted the earth to swallow me whole.

I didn't know why it hurt so much. Maybe because I was thinking that I was trying to help when deep inside their minds and hearts I was hurting them. Or maybe they expected too much from me and I let them down.

And now, all I could feel is frustration.

movie marathon.

I saw the movie Julie & Julia early this morning. The movie was about doing something you love that changes everything, including your perception about life itself. It made me think of what I can do. Being able to do something for oneself, be it a tiny or a humongous thing, would be something that would make your life turn around. For good.

I also saw Easy A just a few minutes ago, and this one was about a nobody making a name for herself. Her reputation did not exactly give the right merits. But in the end, she coursed through the right direction and she was able to get what she longed for -- the guy she liked since grade school.

These two movies somehow are interlinked, and I can't help but think this is a sign. Maybe to tell me that I need to move out of my comfort zone and do something...great.

The problem is, I don't know what it would be. The inspiration is there, but...on what to do? My mind draws a blank.

back to reality.

I just came from a weekend in Camotes. It was fun, and I had the time to unwind. I was with a number of my friends from work, who gave me the perfect distraction from all the things that I have thought for the past few days.

I have one shot of the beach that makes me want to go back there:

And now, I'm back here. Back to reality. Far from the paradise that had made me happy for the past 2 days.

i am thinking.

I am turning 28 years old, and I am thinking. I haven't thought hard for a while now. But as I am nearing the "golden" age, I am already thinking about a lot of things. And I mean, a lot.

During my teens, I envisioned myself as successful, happy, contented. My ideal age for marriage is around 27-30 years old. Now I am comparing my thoughts today as to when I was...young. Indeed, I am already at my ideal age for marriage now, but I am barely on the cusp of marrying someone, let alone decided on a wedding date. I am also successful as a Team Supervisor, though challenges are still there, mocking and tinkering. Happy? Contented? These are the things that I am still lacking.

I still don't know what I'm looking for. I have this guy I am, pardon me for the lack of right words, going steady with for two years now, and his plans for the future are still blurry. He didn't finish school, is jobless, and living under his father's roof. Don't get me wrong--he's a great person inside and I even consider him as one of my best friends, but he lacks something: initiative. I cannot see him as husband- or father-material.

Now I'm thinking that I am a very bad person.

Am I?