i am thinking.

I am turning 28 years old, and I am thinking. I haven't thought hard for a while now. But as I am nearing the "golden" age, I am already thinking about a lot of things. And I mean, a lot.

During my teens, I envisioned myself as successful, happy, contented. My ideal age for marriage is around 27-30 years old. Now I am comparing my thoughts today as to when I was...young. Indeed, I am already at my ideal age for marriage now, but I am barely on the cusp of marrying someone, let alone decided on a wedding date. I am also successful as a Team Supervisor, though challenges are still there, mocking and tinkering. Happy? Contented? These are the things that I am still lacking.

I still don't know what I'm looking for. I have this guy I am, pardon me for the lack of right words, going steady with for two years now, and his plans for the future are still blurry. He didn't finish school, is jobless, and living under his father's roof. Don't get me wrong--he's a great person inside and I even consider him as one of my best friends, but he lacks something: initiative. I cannot see him as husband- or father-material.

Now I'm thinking that I am a very bad person.

Am I?