movie marathon.

I saw the movie Julie & Julia early this morning. The movie was about doing something you love that changes everything, including your perception about life itself. It made me think of what I can do. Being able to do something for oneself, be it a tiny or a humongous thing, would be something that would make your life turn around. For good.

I also saw Easy A just a few minutes ago, and this one was about a nobody making a name for herself. Her reputation did not exactly give the right merits. But in the end, she coursed through the right direction and she was able to get what she longed for -- the guy she liked since grade school.

These two movies somehow are interlinked, and I can't help but think this is a sign. Maybe to tell me that I need to move out of my comfort zone and do something...great.

The problem is, I don't know what it would be. The inspiration is there, but...on what to do? My mind draws a blank.

back to reality.

I just came from a weekend in Camotes. It was fun, and I had the time to unwind. I was with a number of my friends from work, who gave me the perfect distraction from all the things that I have thought for the past few days.

I have one shot of the beach that makes me want to go back there:

And now, I'm back here. Back to reality. Far from the paradise that had made me happy for the past 2 days.

i am thinking.

I am turning 28 years old, and I am thinking. I haven't thought hard for a while now. But as I am nearing the "golden" age, I am already thinking about a lot of things. And I mean, a lot.

During my teens, I envisioned myself as successful, happy, contented. My ideal age for marriage is around 27-30 years old. Now I am comparing my thoughts today as to when I was...young. Indeed, I am already at my ideal age for marriage now, but I am barely on the cusp of marrying someone, let alone decided on a wedding date. I am also successful as a Team Supervisor, though challenges are still there, mocking and tinkering. Happy? Contented? These are the things that I am still lacking.

I still don't know what I'm looking for. I have this guy I am, pardon me for the lack of right words, going steady with for two years now, and his plans for the future are still blurry. He didn't finish school, is jobless, and living under his father's roof. Don't get me wrong--he's a great person inside and I even consider him as one of my best friends, but he lacks something: initiative. I cannot see him as husband- or father-material.

Now I'm thinking that I am a very bad person.

Am I?