I have been avoiding my blog for the past few days. Why? Because I am currently thinking of really negative things. But I have got to pour this out somehow. I've been bottling it up inside for a while already.
It's really hard if you're a person that has obligations. To be able to give something to your family is a really good thing. It always makes me feel lighter when I give.
However, there are times when you don't have even a single cent. It bugs you sometimes that you won't be able to contribute. It would always be a nice thing if the person who's asking for your help understands that you don't have anything to give.
The problem is: they don't.
It just makes me feel angry. What I don't understand is they even laugh at me when I say "I don't have anything to give right now." They even say: "Why don't you go to the ATM machine?"
If I had it on my bank account, or if I had somebody who can let me borrow, I would've gotten it for them and given it to them already. They would already have what they wanted.
It just feels so frustrating for me to think that they don't believe me when I say "I don't have anything."
Did my face even look like I was joking when I said it? They just stand there, look naive, still expecting for me to give something.
Didn't they get it?
I got so mad yesterday that I took out my hammer-shaped stuffed toy and gave it a few swings. After breaking a sweat, I just lay down and stared at the ceiling with little tears around my eyes. I just felt so sad. I didn't want to pity myself, but I really did. Who does even have parents that don't understand their children?
I think I am the only one with that. *sobs*
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