Lost.

"The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don't care at all."

It's been two years.

Two years of roaming around in circles, blindly stumbling through life and shallow events.

It's a long time to be that way, I know. Just doing work, occasionally going out with friends. Not the one to complain, though.

And then someone came.

Here I am, just minding my own business. And then someone came.

I thought, "I prayed for this. This must be it." It was the perfect time for me to get to know someone on a different level than the usual.

And I thought he was just right. He seemed to have almost everything I wanted for a person that I would be able to connect with. But I was wrong.

And now, I am wondering. I am pretty grateful to have known this individual, but was it really worth the time and effort (and pain) when in the long run it would all just be taken away from you?

I was not even given a chance to prove myself that I can change the way I think about life. To be positive about things. To trust wholeheartedly.

And now, the pain just goes on and on.

Thinking about how to move on from this always takes me back to where it started. And from what I see, it's not a pretty picture.

I am so lost.

Confusion.

When I like somebody, I fall hard. I sometimes even become obsessed.

Well, there's this guy.

I was just there and he was there too. What I didn't know before that I know now is that we have a connection. A spark, if you must.

The problem is, as of this time, no one is making a move to take it to the next level. Me, being a girl, should not be the one to do it. So I'm waiting. And waiting.

But nothing has happened.

I see efforts of this guy getting closer, but no definite signs of a more serious move. I make my own moves, too, but I guess he's not seeing it.

Now I'm thinking of other thoughts. There's only two things linked to this situation. Either he really doesn't like me that way, or he's gay.

So which would you choose?

Turning Thirty!

Turning thirty is a challenge, an accomplishment, but sometimes a burden.

There are people who view this age as a checkpoint. I don't blame them for that. It's just that some of them mainly view those persons who are at that age to be settling down, stuff like that.

It's definitely not the case for everyone.

One of my great role models has given me more proof that this age does not suck, that being thirty means a lot of things greater than quantifying a big number.

Click the link below:

iamsuperbianca: I'm 30! Why I think its more awesome than 20.: I'm 30!!!! I started this blog in 2003, when I was 20 years old. Ten years after, I don't really feel much older but I feel so m...

If you read this, it will surely boost your morale, as it did mine. :)

The Twins of Ghostwriting.

Never had I realized that writing for some author would haunt the person both ways (positive and negative). I always thought it was a good thing. Being paid for writing and sharpening your talent was supposed to be enough for me. But after reading this article, it made me realize the other side of ghostwriting. How it would give you a sense of vagueness, lack of ownership and originality, among all other things.

I was a major fan of the Sweet Valley Series, from the Kids to the University. Those twins had me hooked. But at the back of my mind I have always wondered who Francine Pascal was, why it says "created by" with a "written by" at the same time, and so on and so forth. Reading the link below solved the mystery.

If you're curious enough, especially if you're also a Sweet Valley fan, then read on. :)

The Ghost Writes Back by Amy Boesky | Kenyon Review Online

Me and Jewel.

Haven't I written about Jewel yet?? Well I think I should.

I live in a small country called the Philippines. I was born and raised here. I grew up learning to sing, as my parents always play music from their favorite singers. I could still remember myself singing to "The Greatest Love of All", with a bottle of baby powder in my hand as an improvised microphone.

Though the Philippines is a third world country, we are very rich in natural resources. We are hospitable, friendly, family-oriented. More importantly, Filipinos are musically inclined. We have our own music, but it's inevitable that foreign music also influences us.

I grew up listening to Mother's Carpenters and ABBA, and Father's Bee Gees and Eagles, and a little bit of some singers and bands that my cousins liked. But it was when I was a High School Junior that I learned about a different singer. My father brought a lot of CDs with him when he came home from Saudi Arabia (Overseas Workers are pretty much a normal thing in our country), and Jewel was one of them.

The album was entitled "Pieces of You". As soon as her songs played through our stereo speakers, I got hooked. I used to memorize all the lyrics and sing along with them, but that was a long time ago.

However, it's not just the songs and the melody on Jewel's album that captivated me. The stories that she was telling in between the lines kicked my inspiration into high gear...they got me into writing my own poetry.

I did not have that much experience in life, but how Jewel delivers every word and correlates them with the whole feel of the song made me develop my own imagination and create my own experiences. Then it wasn't long before my first love, first heartbreak, first everything...that got me into writing more and more poetry.

The bottom line is: Jewel was the first person to introduce me to poetry and writing. So thank you, Jewel. I owe you my teenage hobby, my young adult creativity, my present work. :)

Busy Times.

It's been quite a while since I wrote some stuff here. All I can say is: I've been busy.

For starters, I officially call myself an Instagram Addict. Every now and then I post some pictures -- some things I found interesting, some selfies, and maybe a couple of really nice photography. Like the one below:

I call this "a lonesome walkway". Just a view of my way home from work. :)

Another thing, when I stare at a computer monitor these past few months and write about something, it is for my work. So I sometimes get stressed when I am forced to write. But I know that in time I would be able to write again, freely as I have done since I started my Blogger existence. And that time is now, I guess. :)

Lastly, I just got access to Internet again, so I have been trying to catch up on my movies and TV series stuff. Movies from 2011 to 2012...and trying to file them away for storage. I have approximately a hundred and 5 CDs to date, all burned with all my TV and movie files. Reviews will come in the future, I promise.

And oh, by the way, I'm just loving my new phone. That's also one of the reasons why I've been so busy. I got it last November when I decided to amp up my life by getting a new phone. And here I am, a self-proclaimed slave to it. It's a shame, really. But what can I do? It's making me happy these days. :)

Write to you later!

Fashion Finds: Geometric-Shaped Necklaces

Cool necklaces for fashion addicts! :)

Cool Hunting: Emedemarta. http://goo.gl/mag/nD8bGHc

posted from Bloggeroid

Qualfon Idol.

It's been a month now that me and my team are at our wits' end sorting and organizing the most awaited event of the year--the Qualfon Idol The Final Season.

The planning itself was very tortuous, what with the mechanics, step-by-step process of Auditions and the Elimination Rounds.

From around 60 Qualfon employees who auditioned, 22 were picked to be judged on 5 Elimination Rounds. Each Round has a different theme/concept, and Semi-Finalists will be taken off the competition until 8 remain for the Grand Finals.

This week, we will be conducting the last elimination round. Everything has been exciting and I've never felt prouder of what we have achieved. I may sound serious, because this project is a very hard one to deliver, what with all the eyes that observe each knick-knack of a mistake that we make.

Well, after this round, we will no longer be part of it anymore. Just one more deep breath, seize and enjoy the moment, and let it pass.

Most importantly, I'm so excited of what's to happen, and who's going to make it to the Finals!

Good luck to our Idols! We are truly proud of what you have accomplished! :D

fishing at Port Marina.

Nothing beats the satisfaction of a full stomach, especially if the food is scrumptious.

This was what I truly felt when I came out of Port Marina (located near Tayud, Consolacion). It was indeed a palatable feast. With the freshness of all ingredients and a great cook to boost, who can go wrong? No wonder the place was highly recommended by one of our closest managers.

I also did something in that place that was worth adding to my turning-thirty bucket list: fishing! Yep, it was my first time in trying that. And the feeling was...exciting. Not to mention scared--for the fish. Haha. But it was really great to have tried that, and came out alive after.

I had a great accomplishment on my first try. I threw in the bait with great success, and caught a big one! Hooray for me! :D

death speaks.

I have no concrete opinions when it comes to Death. I mean, I don't know if I'm afraid of it or okay with it. All I know is Death comes and goes.

My first encounter with Death was when my Grandmother Ceding died of breast cancer. I was very young then. What I remembered most was the wake, wherein I saw a lot of people praying during the novena. Me and my cousins always playing games even after our sleeping time. A whole lot of relatives whom I hadn't known existed came to pay their respects. Most of all, I remembered Grandma's youngest son Harold, crying, looking at Grandma's pictures in their family photo album.

The grief was there. But since I was still a kid and didn't understand what it fully meant, the feelings didn't sink in.

Upon growing up, I came to know more about death. Some of my friends' parents or relatives died early, some with different causes, some the same. Somehow, I still didn't grasp the true meaning of it. Yes, they are dead. But the impact on the people who experience it are...extensive.

That was what I see when I witness death around me, with my friends who have connections to the person/s who died.

Until it was my turn.

When I was still studying nursing, I belonged to a certain section wherein almost all of us were very close. One of my closest classmates was a guy whom I consider a singer, talker, and a defender. At a later time during that school year, we received news about him encountering a motorcycle accident in Dumaguete and died instantly. The whole class was devastated with the news. We were really close, but the person who has been in grief the most was his girlfriend--his pregnant girlfriend.

The loss of a close friend came to me gradually. One of my friends called me with the news. She was on the verge of tears, and eventually hung up after giving me the news because she couldn't take it anymore. At first I was shocked, unable to believe what happened. I repeatedly asked for confirmation, which my friends had no trouble in doing so. I just sat there, staring into space and feeling numb. And when the news finally sunk in, I cried.

So this is how you feel when somebody dies.

Personally, I am very afraid of when my mom and dad would be taken away. Thoughts about it make me cry. A lot.

Then comes the realization that it doesn't have anything to do with the dead person. It's with the people the dead person leaves behind.

--This is for you, Sir Churchill Bantasan, whom I have known for about four years. A very good friend, joker, model to every employee in Qualfon. You showed your strength fighting against this battle, and I truly admire you for that. May you rest in peace, Sir Chill. I will always remember you as a very jolly person. Our loss will be very grave, but your presence will still remain with us.--

nancy drew.

I could still remember what school level I started to read books, but I couldn't remember what book it was. I just remembered that I enjoyed reading very much, and from that time on I started to read and read and read.

Since I don't have the monetary budget to buy the books I want, I submitted to the refuge of our school library. We had two: the Grade School and the High School Libraries. Well of course during that time I was not permitted to enter the High School Library, which was perfectly fine by me.

I remember our library being so big and spacious, and I spent a lot of time after school there. Sigh...those were the days when I was still young and carefree. No problems, just homework and play.

There was a certain book series that I got addicted to, and that is the Nancy Drew Mystery Book Series.

--1st book of the series--

I was curious that first time I noticed that shelf solely allotted for them. The cover pages looked so old, some books were even tattered due to overuse. I noted the long list of borrowers, some of them I knew from my class or the neighboring ones (our school's really not that big), or even some from the higher years. I picked a random title during one of those after school times--I can't remember which one it was, though--sat down on one of the library tables and read a few paragraphs of chapter one.

The story seemed very interesting to me. I remember finishing the book during that one sitting. That point I decided I liked mystery stories. From then on, I read all books one by one, some of them I bring home to read during the weekends or during my free time at recess. I didn't realize that time that I was already hooked. The plot where a girl who is aged at eighteen years is an amateur detective, solving complicated mysteries, helping the police find and catch the culprit, even involved in a lot of danger. It got me really excited from cover to cover, from one book to another.

Now, I am trying to collect them, maybe to give to my kids when they grow up, introduce them to the one girl whom I have been besties with during my grade school life. :)

ink invasion.

Yuan had been wanting to have himself inked for the longest time. It's just that I did it first.

When he saw my tattoo, he eagerly wanted one, too. But it was months before he did it.

It was one fateful day on August 14, 2012 that his dream came true.

I arranged for my tattoo artist Babang and Yuan to meet up. After a few minutes of chitchat, Babang prepared for the session. Yuan was so hyped and nervous while waiting for Babang to finish the preps. I assured him that he can do this thing.

Minutes later, the inking started. Keith even came over for more moral support.

It was like one and a half hours of pain when Babang said, "Humana." And we all looked at the finished product:

Feeling overwhelmed and truly happy at his accomplishment, he said thanks to all of us who were there. That event even made us closer than ever, not to mention adding another friend on his and Keith's lists!

Next in line to be inked: Keith Briones! :)

things to do before i turn thirty.

I am already counting the days.

Turning thirty is life-changing for me. And so to somehow celebrate the coming of this very momentous occasion, I have been challenging myself to do the things that I haven't done yet.

First was, getting a tattoo. I did this with one of my old friends Babang last February 10 of this year. Here is the first coming out photo of my baby:

If you must know, it is a lotus flower. When this is inked, it means that the person is undergoing a great change in his life. Well, I definitely am!

Next is the PIU. Yeah, I know. So childish, but so fun! It burns my calories and makes me more alert. It also makes me wonder why I hadn't done this before when I still had the excuse of being a teenager.

What else? I can't think of anything more, but I'll let you know. :)

the hunger games.

I have considered myself as an avid book reader. But come to think of it, I haven't been reading that avidly these days. To prove this catastrophe, I just finished reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

And just like the Twilight series, I failed to create my own imaginary setting and characters. This is what always happens to me whenever I watch the movie before reading the book. Sometimes I get frustrated, but...what else can I do but go with what's been lain on the table?

Anyways, it was a good read. Very interesting choice of names, usually derived from plants or just freakishly unique. Weird setting, having a Capitol that swarms of Lady Gaga. When I saw the part where the townsfolk of the Capitol gathered around the just-arrived train, I remembered a photo that one of my friends shared:

That scene made me say at the moviehouse: "Take us to Lady Gaga!" and me and my friends all laughed at the comic reference.

Also the mechanism of the story. The concept of 24 people being forced to inhabitate a certain area and are killing each other to live, survive, and somehow win so that they can go home to their families is so bizaare and so unreal that makes the readers stand on tiptoes and anticipate every turn of the page. This goes to the movie as well.

Now, I'm reading the second book. And the story just keeps on getting better and better.

everything's falling into place.

Yes! They absolutely are. Imaginations of finishing this project are almost materializing.

My parents have agreed on a deadline for the place to be completely done, and that is at the end of the year.

How near is that?

Well, so far the second floor is already painted white. It's like entering a chapel with wide arcs that almost cover all walls. A temporary taste of heaven! Take a look below:

Isn't that neat? Of course, it's partly because of the color WHITE. Soon it will be colored with whatever mother has planned for each of the rooms. Well I know what mine would be, and if you know me that well you would know it too. But that will be tackled on later.

Didn't know house development could be such a blissful experience! XD

malapascua.

It's nice to be with friends on your special day.

I hadn't even planned on something big, but I'm glad it was done.

Three of us celebrated our birthdays on the month of May, so our group of friends decided to do something about it.

Malapascua, as some people say, is the place to be. This holds true for us. It's a small heap of paradise where people relax and dive into the colorful underwater what we all know as the ocean.

And there we were, lounging on the sand. Dancing to the Super Bass beat. Snorkeling around the island. Cliff-diving. Swimming, eating and drinking. Photoshoots. And then some.

The pictures say it all:

The fun and company of friends made our birthdays even more special. Many thanks to them! :)

Solitude.

Some people cannot live without a partner. The thing that is feared the most, which is truly the root cause of these types of situations, is solitude. But me? Not even a nanosecond have I thought of that!

Being single has given my life a new meaning. It has made me think about other people than myself. For example, I have been closer to my mom and my long lost friends. The bonding times are all precious now, thanks to them.

Another thing, it has made me more independent, knowing that I am confident to fight whatever challenges I may face.

So who needs a guy when you can do all possible things by yourself? ^_^

Your thoughts?

roller coaster.

My life has been a roller coaster ride these past two months. And I'm afraid I'm still in it.

Why is that so?

Well, for starters, I haven't been myself. I mean, I'm still me on the outside, but added with a dash of stupidity and a pinch of promiscuity.

Yes, you read that right.

A person who has this kind of life would only feel...lust. It's the feeling of being more attuned to your physical attributes. Should I delve more on this?

Another thing is, I'm missing some parts of myself. As being a type of person who endures being solitary, I seldom find myself locked in the four corners of my room these days. I have been out and about with good friends which I am not blaming this nostalgia for. They're great company. But I keep remembering my nice mattress where I can cuddle up and read a good book on.

I am afraid I will still be in this roller coaster ride. Maybe you will be with me on this ride sometime.

team gidlay.

It's so hard to find true friends and keep them. It's because you can never know the people you deal with in the first place until you've been with them for a long time. And once you get to discover the friendship, you sometimes lose it to circumstance or fate.

That's why having really good friends are so rare, and must be cherished.

I consider myself lucky. I've met these bitches in the year of 2008. I was still an agent then, newly endorsed to a new skill, team and department. All of us came from the TSR, formed under one team with our supervisor Elma Yuzon, who just came back from her maternity leave. Never did I know at that time that our friendship would last longer, even until we became part of the staff.

It may have helped that about 50% of the male population of the team belonged to the gay community. Yes, these gay personalities have been making us laugh from the start. Who wouldn't?

And now, even if some have gone away and others have been added to the group, all of us still have the tight bond that we have shared since day one.

It's been one hell of a ride my friends! :)

post-holiday tantrums.

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Pit Señor!

Time passed so quickly. Here I am, after all the eating and nostalgia, still wondering where all the time had gone.

Now after Sinulog, we are back to reality. To endless workloads, crazy reps, normal routines.

And what better occasion would be looming in the shadows than Valentine's Day?

I'm not particularly fond of this 'holiday'. I'm like the Uncle Scrooge of Valentine's Day. It does not make me giddy or excited, unlike Christmas. I don't see the reason why everybody is celebrating this. Even if I previously had a partner that I can celebrate with, it's nonsense to me.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just so pessimistic about this day. Better to indulge myself with work, to pass the time.

Then maybe time would pass so quickly, like the holidays.