Lost.

"The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don't care at all."

It's been two years.

Two years of roaming around in circles, blindly stumbling through life and shallow events.

It's a long time to be that way, I know. Just doing work, occasionally going out with friends. Not the one to complain, though.

And then someone came.

Here I am, just minding my own business. And then someone came.

I thought, "I prayed for this. This must be it." It was the perfect time for me to get to know someone on a different level than the usual.

And I thought he was just right. He seemed to have almost everything I wanted for a person that I would be able to connect with. But I was wrong.

And now, I am wondering. I am pretty grateful to have known this individual, but was it really worth the time and effort (and pain) when in the long run it would all just be taken away from you?

I was not even given a chance to prove myself that I can change the way I think about life. To be positive about things. To trust wholeheartedly.

And now, the pain just goes on and on.

Thinking about how to move on from this always takes me back to where it started. And from what I see, it's not a pretty picture.

I am so lost.

Confusion.

When I like somebody, I fall hard. I sometimes even become obsessed.

Well, there's this guy.

I was just there and he was there too. What I didn't know before that I know now is that we have a connection. A spark, if you must.

The problem is, as of this time, no one is making a move to take it to the next level. Me, being a girl, should not be the one to do it. So I'm waiting. And waiting.

But nothing has happened.

I see efforts of this guy getting closer, but no definite signs of a more serious move. I make my own moves, too, but I guess he's not seeing it.

Now I'm thinking of other thoughts. There's only two things linked to this situation. Either he really doesn't like me that way, or he's gay.

So which would you choose?

Electric.

Pacified and dormant

It seems like I have

Charged for a long time

Then the thunder came...

And I'm stung like

Live wire to water

The excitement never stops

The current unwavering

I look into the horizon

Sparks flying

And I chose to ignore them all.

05122013

I am afraid.

I am afraid.

Of what might happen,

Of what I'm feeling right now,

Of the decisions that I might make.

I am scared.

Of this gnawing feeling,

Of a number of sensations going on and on,

Of the state of peace that might break anytime.

I am frightened.

Of the prisoner trying to break free,

Of the cup filled to the brim,

Of the runner ready to sprint.

I am terrified.

05052013

Turning Thirty!

Turning thirty is a challenge, an accomplishment, but sometimes a burden.

There are people who view this age as a checkpoint. I don't blame them for that. It's just that some of them mainly view those persons who are at that age to be settling down, stuff like that.

It's definitely not the case for everyone.

One of my great role models has given me more proof that this age does not suck, that being thirty means a lot of things greater than quantifying a big number.

Click the link below:

iamsuperbianca: I'm 30! Why I think its more awesome than 20.: I'm 30!!!! I started this blog in 2003, when I was 20 years old. Ten years after, I don't really feel much older but I feel so m...

If you read this, it will surely boost your morale, as it did mine. :)

My Right Kind Of Coffee

a silent escape
enraptures me when
you are smelt
a strong sense of
contentment emanates when
you are tasted
giving me warmth
and solitude when
you are savored

you...are my right kind of coffee.

04292013

And

all this time i have been

wondering how it might have been when

things happened so differently than

what is actually going on today and

it seems like a broken record when

i play it over and over again but

caring about that is nothing compared to

what i originally felt before and

now i am simply overwhelmed by

this nagging feeling of regret but

i'm trying to steer clear of

that pit because i might drown and

what could have been was

what i want to have right now but

that may be hard because of

this fear emanating from within and

this half-empty core seems emptier than

ever when i think about it but

a dose of you day by day is

a refreshing drink that fills my cup and

all i want now is a chance to

redeem myself in several ways but

the shocking truth that stings is that

i cannot do this on my own.

04/17-19/2013

Kalanggaman Island.

A weekend from work to stay at Paradise with friends is definitely worth the hassle of hours and hours of land and sea trips.

With summer already on its way, me and some of my friends decided to go to this island, an hour of bangka travel just across Palompon, Leyte. When we got there, everything is just breathtaking, from the water to the sand to the sea breeze to the sun...everything was perfect.

Food and drinks were bountiful, the volleyball court was just inches away from our camp, as well as the beach. There was no electricity, so we decided to turn off our gadgets, and it seemed like we were castaways on Survivor: only living on the food that we have, making most of what we brought with us, without any contact from the outside world. Well I may be exaggerating a little, but that's what I felt. :)

On the island, you can do a lot of things. Boredom is the last thing that would come up in this place. Aside from the usual banter that our group solely initiates, we also brought a badminton set that kept us afoot and energized, complete with scoring and losers being replaced.

The island also has a handful of gear that you can rent, just to add more activities on your list: Kayaks, banana-bicycle floaters, bicycle floaters, etc.

And of course, the sand bar. Photography is ideal, and strolling to and fro is a must for any group.

At night, the stars come out and play a romantic setting on the beach, with torches being lit up at every camp.

Everyone was just having fun, making our summer outing a very successful one.

Next up: our trip to Boracay, in time for my Birthday. :)

The Twins of Ghostwriting.

Never had I realized that writing for some author would haunt the person both ways (positive and negative). I always thought it was a good thing. Being paid for writing and sharpening your talent was supposed to be enough for me. But after reading this article, it made me realize the other side of ghostwriting. How it would give you a sense of vagueness, lack of ownership and originality, among all other things.

I was a major fan of the Sweet Valley Series, from the Kids to the University. Those twins had me hooked. But at the back of my mind I have always wondered who Francine Pascal was, why it says "created by" with a "written by" at the same time, and so on and so forth. Reading the link below solved the mystery.

If you're curious enough, especially if you're also a Sweet Valley fan, then read on. :)

The Ghost Writes Back by Amy Boesky | Kenyon Review Online

Me and Jewel.

Haven't I written about Jewel yet?? Well I think I should.

I live in a small country called the Philippines. I was born and raised here. I grew up learning to sing, as my parents always play music from their favorite singers. I could still remember myself singing to "The Greatest Love of All", with a bottle of baby powder in my hand as an improvised microphone.

Though the Philippines is a third world country, we are very rich in natural resources. We are hospitable, friendly, family-oriented. More importantly, Filipinos are musically inclined. We have our own music, but it's inevitable that foreign music also influences us.

I grew up listening to Mother's Carpenters and ABBA, and Father's Bee Gees and Eagles, and a little bit of some singers and bands that my cousins liked. But it was when I was a High School Junior that I learned about a different singer. My father brought a lot of CDs with him when he came home from Saudi Arabia (Overseas Workers are pretty much a normal thing in our country), and Jewel was one of them.

The album was entitled "Pieces of You". As soon as her songs played through our stereo speakers, I got hooked. I used to memorize all the lyrics and sing along with them, but that was a long time ago.

However, it's not just the songs and the melody on Jewel's album that captivated me. The stories that she was telling in between the lines kicked my inspiration into high gear...they got me into writing my own poetry.

I did not have that much experience in life, but how Jewel delivers every word and correlates them with the whole feel of the song made me develop my own imagination and create my own experiences. Then it wasn't long before my first love, first heartbreak, first everything...that got me into writing more and more poetry.

The bottom line is: Jewel was the first person to introduce me to poetry and writing. So thank you, Jewel. I owe you my teenage hobby, my young adult creativity, my present work. :)

Busy Times.

It's been quite a while since I wrote some stuff here. All I can say is: I've been busy.

For starters, I officially call myself an Instagram Addict. Every now and then I post some pictures -- some things I found interesting, some selfies, and maybe a couple of really nice photography. Like the one below:

I call this "a lonesome walkway". Just a view of my way home from work. :)

Another thing, when I stare at a computer monitor these past few months and write about something, it is for my work. So I sometimes get stressed when I am forced to write. But I know that in time I would be able to write again, freely as I have done since I started my Blogger existence. And that time is now, I guess. :)

Lastly, I just got access to Internet again, so I have been trying to catch up on my movies and TV series stuff. Movies from 2011 to 2012...and trying to file them away for storage. I have approximately a hundred and 5 CDs to date, all burned with all my TV and movie files. Reviews will come in the future, I promise.

And oh, by the way, I'm just loving my new phone. That's also one of the reasons why I've been so busy. I got it last November when I decided to amp up my life by getting a new phone. And here I am, a self-proclaimed slave to it. It's a shame, really. But what can I do? It's making me happy these days. :)

Write to you later!

Fashion Finds: Geometric-Shaped Necklaces

Cool necklaces for fashion addicts! :)

Cool Hunting: Emedemarta. http://goo.gl/mag/nD8bGHc

posted from Bloggeroid

Go Tourism! :)

Our country is indeed full of tourist destinations. So full of it that we can't blame the tourists when they keep coming back to our place! Truly proud! :)

Phl listed as top destination for 2013. http://www.philstar.com/news-feature/2013/01/05/893487/phl-listed-top-destination-2013

posted from Bloggeroid

Qualfon Idol.

It's been a month now that me and my team are at our wits' end sorting and organizing the most awaited event of the year--the Qualfon Idol The Final Season.

The planning itself was very tortuous, what with the mechanics, step-by-step process of Auditions and the Elimination Rounds.

From around 60 Qualfon employees who auditioned, 22 were picked to be judged on 5 Elimination Rounds. Each Round has a different theme/concept, and Semi-Finalists will be taken off the competition until 8 remain for the Grand Finals.

This week, we will be conducting the last elimination round. Everything has been exciting and I've never felt prouder of what we have achieved. I may sound serious, because this project is a very hard one to deliver, what with all the eyes that observe each knick-knack of a mistake that we make.

Well, after this round, we will no longer be part of it anymore. Just one more deep breath, seize and enjoy the moment, and let it pass.

Most importantly, I'm so excited of what's to happen, and who's going to make it to the Finals!

Good luck to our Idols! We are truly proud of what you have accomplished! :D

bacolod.

A time out of town is always a breath of fresh air. A reunion outing with a close friend, at the same time getting to know more about new ones is also a great thing.

So when the Cebu Initiatives decided to go out and have some fun, I joined in without hesitation. Well yes, I was somehow wary because I've been going out of town more often than usual, but it's been not usual for a lot of people to get together these days. A little team bonding is also a good factor to consider.

And there you go. :)

Bacolod City was chosen because of its upcoming Masskara festival, which will be this weekend. I only knew of Bacolod City as the City of Smiles, and when we got there, it was so much more. The history, places to see, and their hospitality are refreshing to the heart and soul of a city person.

Upon disembarking from the plane on Saturday morning, we proceeded to have a little tour in the city of Silay. I observed that their place, though already declared as a city a long time, still has ancestral houses here and there. It's always nice to see that our history is still intact in some places.

After a sumptuous breakfast, we headed for Bacolod City. We then took a little city tour, just to see some of the sights. Then we checked in at our pension house at noon. After settling down, we ate our lunch--yes eating is a major-major activity during this outing--then proceeded to go to the house of one of my previous reps to visit. Then we went to the streets to join in the festivities.

The next day we went to Mambukal, which is a famous resort in Negros Occidental that houses their various outdoor activities like wall-climbing, swimming at their pool, bathing at the hot spring, trekking while viewing their numerous falls, and so much more. Mambukal was indeed a great experience.

Yesterday we went back to Bacolod City to relax while waiting for our evening flight. All in all a great adventurous experience!

flying.

One of the best things that happened to me when we went to Puerto Princesa, Palawan was the opportunity to cross something off my turning-thirty bucket list. Aside from being a first-timer in visiting the place, admiring the nature that is solely in Palawan, I also got to do one thing: Flying.

Not flying with my own wings, but sitting on one of those plush comfy seats inside an airplane. Yep. I've been on land and water for 29 years before I conquered the skies.

And what an incredible experience it was. Indescribable. I'm still overwhelmed just by thinking about it. Maybe I'm overreacting a little bit, but can you blame me? It was my first time.

I used to read from books minute descriptions on what happens when a plane takes off and lands, much more when it's part of a TV show or movie. But to experience it first-hand is totally amazing. To see the mechanism of the plane doing its thing...I just can't help but feel a smile barely forming at the corner of my lips when thinking about it.

And just like that, I am looking forward to experiencing it all over again. :D

fishing at Port Marina.

Nothing beats the satisfaction of a full stomach, especially if the food is scrumptious.

This was what I truly felt when I came out of Port Marina (located near Tayud, Consolacion). It was indeed a palatable feast. With the freshness of all ingredients and a great cook to boost, who can go wrong? No wonder the place was highly recommended by one of our closest managers.

I also did something in that place that was worth adding to my turning-thirty bucket list: fishing! Yep, it was my first time in trying that. And the feeling was...exciting. Not to mention scared--for the fish. Haha. But it was really great to have tried that, and came out alive after.

I had a great accomplishment on my first try. I threw in the bait with great success, and caught a big one! Hooray for me! :D

Puerto Princesa, Palawan.

Fun and relaxation always go hand in hand when Team Gidlay go out, whether just within the city limits or broaching the seas to get to nearby islands. In this particular case, flying the skies to reach the cool-weathered nature-loving island of Palawan.

By the constant help of our colleague Joyce Ann Ruma, our short but amazing trip was formed, from the airfare bookings to the hotel accommodations to the 3-day itinerary. With that taken care of, all we needed to do was to show up and enjoy every event arranged.

Nine Gidlays, three days, one destination.

With the new trends of famous cheap promo airfares, we got our airline tickets booked with Air Philippines. One hour and twenty minutes of flying through the Philippine skies and we successfully landed in the glorious city of Puerto Princesa, Palawan. A luxurious van courtesy of our resident hotel Lola Itang, picked us up and gave us a short but picturesque city tour.

Upon arriving at Lola Itang's, we were greeted by very hospitable personnel at the reception/restaurant counter. We were checked-in and were put into one of their family rooms.

We found Lola Itang's place as very quaint and homey, and we comfortably fit in there. It reminded me of my grandmother's house in Toledo City when I was still a kid, like I am off to see my cousins and play with them. They also had sungkas (they were my favorite when I was a kid) which added more to the Filipino touch and feel of the hotel.

Island-hopping was one of the activities listed on our itinerary for our second-day stay in Puerto Princesa. Frustration was felt though when we got out of the hotel and found out that it was raining. Nevertheless, we pushed through with the plans allotted for the day and ended up still having fun. We had three stops: the Luli Island, Pambato Coral Reef Sanctuary and the Cowrie Island.

The Underground River was our next stop, and on our way there we got to witness the beauty of the nature of Palawan. It was my first time in seeing really high mountain rocks that can only be seen in the movies. Indeed, as one of my companions said, Palawan is Nature's Last Frontier. Words cannot even fit to describe the beauty of the Underground River. As we wove through the low-leveled water inside the river, amazement and awe masked our silence as we listened to our tour guide.

Our last day comprised of touring the Crocodile Farm, Baker's Hill and Mitras Ranch, which both have breathtaking views and interesting photo-worthy areas.

All in all, Team Gidlay had another successful out-of-town experience in Puerto Princesa.

death speaks.

I have no concrete opinions when it comes to Death. I mean, I don't know if I'm afraid of it or okay with it. All I know is Death comes and goes.

My first encounter with Death was when my Grandmother Ceding died of breast cancer. I was very young then. What I remembered most was the wake, wherein I saw a lot of people praying during the novena. Me and my cousins always playing games even after our sleeping time. A whole lot of relatives whom I hadn't known existed came to pay their respects. Most of all, I remembered Grandma's youngest son Harold, crying, looking at Grandma's pictures in their family photo album.

The grief was there. But since I was still a kid and didn't understand what it fully meant, the feelings didn't sink in.

Upon growing up, I came to know more about death. Some of my friends' parents or relatives died early, some with different causes, some the same. Somehow, I still didn't grasp the true meaning of it. Yes, they are dead. But the impact on the people who experience it are...extensive.

That was what I see when I witness death around me, with my friends who have connections to the person/s who died.

Until it was my turn.

When I was still studying nursing, I belonged to a certain section wherein almost all of us were very close. One of my closest classmates was a guy whom I consider a singer, talker, and a defender. At a later time during that school year, we received news about him encountering a motorcycle accident in Dumaguete and died instantly. The whole class was devastated with the news. We were really close, but the person who has been in grief the most was his girlfriend--his pregnant girlfriend.

The loss of a close friend came to me gradually. One of my friends called me with the news. She was on the verge of tears, and eventually hung up after giving me the news because she couldn't take it anymore. At first I was shocked, unable to believe what happened. I repeatedly asked for confirmation, which my friends had no trouble in doing so. I just sat there, staring into space and feeling numb. And when the news finally sunk in, I cried.

So this is how you feel when somebody dies.

Personally, I am very afraid of when my mom and dad would be taken away. Thoughts about it make me cry. A lot.

Then comes the realization that it doesn't have anything to do with the dead person. It's with the people the dead person leaves behind.

--This is for you, Sir Churchill Bantasan, whom I have known for about four years. A very good friend, joker, model to every employee in Qualfon. You showed your strength fighting against this battle, and I truly admire you for that. May you rest in peace, Sir Chill. I will always remember you as a very jolly person. Our loss will be very grave, but your presence will still remain with us.--

tanjay city.

A month ago me and some of my agents went to Ruthna's hometown. It gave me a chance to unwind after what happened with my transfer to another department (I'll tell you about that fiasco later on), and a final bonding time with my agents who have been close to me for the past year that I was under the KANA department.

Tanjay City is located at Negros Oriental, near Dumaguete where Qualfon has a branch there. We traveled around 5 hours to get to this peaceful place. Despite the long and tiring trip, we did not regret it even for a second. Because upon arriving there until we traveled back to Cebu, we were always eating! My face even felt rounder when I got back. We were just eating, eating, eating! There was even a point when I already grumbled...and Ruthna just laughed at me.

So there we were, eating, lounging, sleeping, going out, drinking, dancing, swimming...In short, our Tanjay vacay was a total bliss.

--at their local boardwalk waiting for the Fireworks Display Contest to
start--

--enjoying cool and clear seawater at a nearby town--

--just one of our pigging out moments at Ruthna's home--

--trying out their night scene at one of the local videoke
hangouts--

--paid our respects to the patron saint on the day of the
fiesta--

--at one of Ruthna's friends' house, readying for a night of
clubbing--

--hanging out at one of their plazas (they have two!)--

Wishing for more bonding moments with my agents, even if now I am not with them all the time. T_T