Lost.

"The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don't care at all."

It's been two years.

Two years of roaming around in circles, blindly stumbling through life and shallow events.

It's a long time to be that way, I know. Just doing work, occasionally going out with friends. Not the one to complain, though.

And then someone came.

Here I am, just minding my own business. And then someone came.

I thought, "I prayed for this. This must be it." It was the perfect time for me to get to know someone on a different level than the usual.

And I thought he was just right. He seemed to have almost everything I wanted for a person that I would be able to connect with. But I was wrong.

And now, I am wondering. I am pretty grateful to have known this individual, but was it really worth the time and effort (and pain) when in the long run it would all just be taken away from you?

I was not even given a chance to prove myself that I can change the way I think about life. To be positive about things. To trust wholeheartedly.

And now, the pain just goes on and on.

Thinking about how to move on from this always takes me back to where it started. And from what I see, it's not a pretty picture.

I am so lost.

Confusion.

When I like somebody, I fall hard. I sometimes even become obsessed.

Well, there's this guy.

I was just there and he was there too. What I didn't know before that I know now is that we have a connection. A spark, if you must.

The problem is, as of this time, no one is making a move to take it to the next level. Me, being a girl, should not be the one to do it. So I'm waiting. And waiting.

But nothing has happened.

I see efforts of this guy getting closer, but no definite signs of a more serious move. I make my own moves, too, but I guess he's not seeing it.

Now I'm thinking of other thoughts. There's only two things linked to this situation. Either he really doesn't like me that way, or he's gay.

So which would you choose?

Electric.

Pacified and dormant

It seems like I have

Charged for a long time

Then the thunder came...

And I'm stung like

Live wire to water

The excitement never stops

The current unwavering

I look into the horizon

Sparks flying

And I chose to ignore them all.

05122013

I am afraid.

I am afraid.

Of what might happen,

Of what I'm feeling right now,

Of the decisions that I might make.

I am scared.

Of this gnawing feeling,

Of a number of sensations going on and on,

Of the state of peace that might break anytime.

I am frightened.

Of the prisoner trying to break free,

Of the cup filled to the brim,

Of the runner ready to sprint.

I am terrified.

05052013

Turning Thirty!

Turning thirty is a challenge, an accomplishment, but sometimes a burden.

There are people who view this age as a checkpoint. I don't blame them for that. It's just that some of them mainly view those persons who are at that age to be settling down, stuff like that.

It's definitely not the case for everyone.

One of my great role models has given me more proof that this age does not suck, that being thirty means a lot of things greater than quantifying a big number.

Click the link below:

iamsuperbianca: I'm 30! Why I think its more awesome than 20.: I'm 30!!!! I started this blog in 2003, when I was 20 years old. Ten years after, I don't really feel much older but I feel so m...

If you read this, it will surely boost your morale, as it did mine. :)

My Right Kind Of Coffee

a silent escape
enraptures me when
you are smelt
a strong sense of
contentment emanates when
you are tasted
giving me warmth
and solitude when
you are savored

you...are my right kind of coffee.

04292013

And

all this time i have been

wondering how it might have been when

things happened so differently than

what is actually going on today and

it seems like a broken record when

i play it over and over again but

caring about that is nothing compared to

what i originally felt before and

now i am simply overwhelmed by

this nagging feeling of regret but

i'm trying to steer clear of

that pit because i might drown and

what could have been was

what i want to have right now but

that may be hard because of

this fear emanating from within and

this half-empty core seems emptier than

ever when i think about it but

a dose of you day by day is

a refreshing drink that fills my cup and

all i want now is a chance to

redeem myself in several ways but

the shocking truth that stings is that

i cannot do this on my own.

04/17-19/2013